megface (meggieroo) wrote,

  • Mood:

my left arm feels like it's being crushed right now

bo0mshakkabo0m: hey
daniel the ant signed off at 10:39:11 PM.
daniel the ant: hey
bo0mshakkabo0m: i miss you :|
daniel the ant: i'll see you tomorrow, don't worry.
bo0mshakkabo0m: k
bo0mshakkabo0m: what are you up to?
daniel the ant: sitting on my butt and listening to armalite. i was trying to go to sleep, but i can't for some reason,.
daniel the ant: you?
bo0mshakkabo0m: meh
bo0mshakkabo0m: i feel really sick
daniel the ant: why's that?
bo0mshakkabo0m: my stomach hurts so badly
daniel the ant: go lay down.
daniel the ant: take meds.
bo0mshakkabo0m: it won't help
daniel the ant: poop.
daniel the ant: i don't know then.
bo0mshakkabo0m: it's been like this off and on for days and it's not like a pressure kind of pain
bo0mshakkabo0m: it's hard to explain
daniel the ant: go to the doctor.
bo0mshakkabo0m: i should
daniel the ant: then do it.
bo0mshakkabo0m: ......bear?
daniel the ant: yeah?
bo0mshakkabo0m: are you getting tired of me?
daniel the ant: what do you mean?
bo0mshakkabo0m: you seem like you don't like being around me anymore
daniel the ant: i don't like being around anyone lately.
bo0mshakkabo0m: why?
daniel the ant: i've been feeling really sad.
bo0mshakkabo0m: what's wrong?
daniel the ant: i'm leaving in a few months... i don't know. i'm just really sad about it.
daniel the ant: i've never done this before, and i don't know what'll happen.
daniel the ant: i don't know how i'm going to go to school and work at the same time.
daniel the ant: i don't know if this'll effect us in anyway.
bo0mshakkabo0m: what do you mean?
daniel the ant: i said what i mean
daniel the ant: i don't know how else to put it.
bo0mshakkabo0m: i really don't understand
daniel the ant: i'm affraid of what'll happen here soon.
bo0mshakkabo0m: ?
daniel the ant: i'm leaving in a few months
daniel the ant: to live on my own
daniel the ant: and i plan on going to community and working a job at the same time
daniel the ant: i need a full time job in order to pay for my half of the rent
daniel the ant: i don't know how i'm going to be able to juggle having a full time job and going to school at the same time
daniel the ant: if i do, then i'll have my hands full all the time. i'd never have anytime for much else, so i'm afraid that it might effeect our relationship.
bo0mshakkabo0m: i really don't know what to say to that
bo0mshakkabo0m: it's kind of upsetting
daniel the ant: it really is.
daniel the ant: that's why i feel so sad.
bo0mshakkabo0m: i've just been worried lately that you've been distant because you don't like me anymore...
bo0mshakkabo0m: but if this is the case then we should do everything fun while we still can, and not be sad about it
daniel the ant: i can't help it
daniel the ant: i don't want to do anything... i don't know.
bo0mshakkabo0m: you and christina didn't see each other very often but you still managed to work things out
daniel the ant: i saw her all weekend and i was on the phone with her constantly
daniel the ant: i'd stay at her house all weekend
daniel the ant: so we spend alot of time together
bo0mshakkabo0m: well why can't i just come see you on your days off when you're not at school?
daniel the ant: i'm not saying you can't/
daniel the ant: i don't know how things'll be around that time
daniel the ant: that's why i'm scared
bo0mshakkabo0m: how what things will be?
daniel the ant: my schedule
bo0mshakkabo0m: :..
daniel the ant: my days off of work i might be at school and my days off of school i might be at work
bo0mshakkabo0m: yeah...
bo0mshakkabo0m: we should really put this out of our minds for the time being, though
bo0mshakkabo0m: it will only upset us both
daniel the ant: i can't.
daniel the ant: i never could.
daniel the ant: i think too much.
daniel the ant: besides, it's a bit upsetting to go on through with a relationship when you know it's going to end soon.
bo0mshakkabo0m: what?
bo0mshakkabo0m: end?
daniel the ant: that's not what i meant.
bo0mshakkabo0m: what do you mean then??

bo0mshakkabo0m: bear?
daniel the ant: it was sort of a what if. just the whole: what if things don't turn out the best between us if i don't have time for you
bo0mshakkabo0m: so that means we would have to break up?
daniel the ant: i didn't say that
bo0mshakkabo0m: ok
bo0mshakkabo0m: even if we didn't see each other that much, i wouldn't want to leave you
bo0mshakkabo0m: i love you so much, daniel, and i'm willing to wait until youre done with school and all that to spend time with you
daniel the ant: that's two years.
daniel the ant: you'd get tired of sitting around.

daniel the ant: besides, it's a bit upsetting to go on through with a relationship when you know it's going to end soon.

after he said this i went berserk. i ran into the living room crying so hard i couldn't breathe and fainted on the floor. my mom then decided to get involved which was a disaster. i really don't know what to do right now. i love him so much it's hurts sometimes because it often feels as though he doesn't love me equally or at all.
still i don't know what i would do without him. i called him and he tried to reassure me, but i still can't stop crying. this is my first serious relationship, and he's the first person i've ever really loved. i just... don't want to see it end this way. i want us to be happy as long as we can, and i want to avoid thinking of the future, but he seems to think that's impossible, so he has to mope around for the next two months because we might have to break up.
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